I was having this discussion in tutorial the other day and somehow we started talking about identities and what constitutes us as an ...

This is it.

11:34 PM Cassandra Tan 0 Comments


I was having this discussion in tutorial the other day and somehow we started talking about identities and what constitutes us as an individual. Many times in life, we are often pushed to take on several roles - a daughter, student, a good friend and we zap in and out of these archetypes when situations call for it. Such roles can define us as an individual. Others can be seen taking on various personalities in different situations, or reacting differently to groups of people and that's what forms their identity. For example, to some friends, I might be the most wacky sarcastic bitch who can't seem to shut up, whereas to others, they'll see the socially awkward and the "too nice" side of me. A handful would also know how I often love to shut myself off from the world and yet, how much I enjoy being around people at times.

Conflicting? Yes. 

It got me feeling really confused for a period of time, and I was desperately trying to strike a balance with myself and get myself to behave the same way to everyone. Like yknw, just take on a single personality and let everyone see the real side of who I am (kinda falls more on the sarcastic bitch side). But I could never seem to do it. They're people whom I can relate so well to I don't have to worry about keeping up an image around them. On the other hand, they're just some whom I can never be at ease with and I still can't comprehend why. Like we can be hanging out all the time, but somehow something is just keeping me from showing them what I can offer, and who I really am.

But as years went by, it somehow came to a point where I stopped trying, and I've realized that all these varying personalities were what made me who I am. I can be a real bitch, yup, but only if you deserve it. There's also this side of me who goes all out for people who need help, who rarely gives up on people who mean the world to me (Unless you're taking a toll on my mental well-being). Trying to be normal and to strike a balance with yourself is just overrated at times. So I guess at the end of the day, it's not about being normal but about being a better person for you.
Be someone who 10 years down the road, you can tell yourself" Yeah, I was that, I am still like that, and I'm proud of it."


And yes, I know what's good for me and what not, and I'm constantly trying to better myself as a person (I'm not that mean anymore ok :() But being too nice can be exhausting too. People just try to step all over you and take it that you'll always be there to listen to them talk about themselves all the time - being taken for granted happens to be part of the equation. So that's when you should really know what's best for yourself and start getting them out of your life. Life is too hard to always be there to solve other people's problems, especially if they aren't always there for you. Worse still, they don't even take your feelings into account or bother remembering the things you said.
Sometimes, you need to save yourself too.

"Please cancel my subscription to your issues. Thank you."

0 comments: