A post that can be ignored

As I reside on my bed and prepare to sleep, I am again antagonized by the stream of thoughts enveloping my mind. It always happens. This damn brain of mind never fails to strike on me just when I am about to get a good day's rest, and BOOM, my mind starts conjuring up the silliest things and makes them catastrophic-worthy.

So today, I've decided on a change.

I propped myself up on my bed, unfolded a makeshift bed-table and started to write.

Writing..... where do I even begin on this. Well, I knew that I was never someone who was meant for it. I could never imagine myself generating bombastic jargon and filling them up in every sentence like how effortlessly writers are doing. They just..... don't come to me like that. I feel like I am over-writing, that I am over-explaining. Why use "intelligent" words that probably 1/3 of your readers wouldn't understand unless they check up a dictionary? Words are aplenty, so wouldn't it be better if we piece simple language together and make it into something extraordinary?

This happens to fall into one of my insecurities basket because I don't get inspirations all the time, especially when I can't think of "intelligent" words. Sometimes, even churning up a blog post takes a lot of me. I stare wide-eyed at this white empty space and 5 minutes later, I find myself engaging in something else. I can say that  I expect a lot from myself when it comes to penning things down, partly because I know that I have the ability to do it, just that I am not making the best use of what I know.

Yesterday, I got a friend to review my food reviews and received lots of  constructive feedback. One phrase hit me the most was when he termed me as a "Most un-confident writer he has ever known", because I was being wishy-washy about writing and kept going on like "I really really really don't think I have a flair for this."
That was something that I wasn't confident enough to admit. I've always had a passion for writing. But over the years, it started diminishing because I was not tapping on that part of myself.  I was afraid that I couldn't generated something that was worthy enough. Also, most of the time, I'm stuck in the whirlwind of wanting to write but have nothing to write about. Which was maybe the reason why I went into food blogging because it's a combination of the 2 things I love most, and can probably never give up on.

I know that I may not be the best in writing and my posts might have been swamped with grammatical errors - forgive me for that. But one thing's for sure. I am going to continue writing and my insecurities can go to hell.